The Hard Part Of A Miracle
by JustJeanette
Summary: Blair Contemplate Loss.  Spoilers for NightShift and Sentinel Too, Part 1.


Title: The hard part of a miracle.

Author: JustJeanette

Word Count: 1300

Category: General

Challenge: Sentinel Thursday #196 - Loss.

Rating: PG

Warnings: not beta'd yet. Spoilers for Night Shift and Sentinel Too Part 1.

Disclaimer: not mine. Special thanks to Becky's transcript site.

Summary: Blair Contemplates loss.

* * *

"Are you kidding me? It makes me sound like a coward." Jim, master of the intimidating glare, focused all his pent up anger at the closet target, his roommate and guide.

Trying not to be intimidated and trying, even more so, to suppress the disappointment that Jim could break his trust so easily, Blair tried to calm the situation down. "Well, that's the way you read it." Lowering his voice so that strays ears wouldn't pick up on the conversation Blair continued speaking, "Come here. You chose to be a sentinel. And the way that you deal with your fears, all of them, is based on that choice. Fear can be one of your greatest allies. Now, you can choose to bottle it up inside or we can work on it."

"After this?" It looked like Jim didn't plan on budging from his high horse; Jim was angry and afraid, not that he'd admit it, and that meant others had to bend before his will. Unfortunately Jim failed to remember that Blair Sandburg was the one person he knew that didn't bend just because Jim Ellison thought it should happen.

"So, what do you want to do?" Blair's question was not completely rhetorical. "Just want to call it quits? I can do that if that is what you want."

Forgetting the sacrifices that Blair had already made in the name of friendship, Borneo topping the list, Jim just looked away. How could he explain to Blair why he was reacting, over-reacting if he was honest with himself, when he couldn't even explain his reaction to himself? Instead, as always, Jim let it slide; Blair would process and they'd go on like before.

Blair, aware that the pressures at the station that night made talking seriously to Jim impossible gave his friend an out; still, he hoped that Jim wouldn't take him up on it. "Ah, maybe you're right. Maybe I've, uh...lost my objectivity. I'll tell you what -- I'd rather just be friends. So why don't I go destroy my notes? How about that?"

When Jim didn't reply Blair turned and left, head downcast as he realised that he was well and truly stuck; without another Sentinel he'd never be able to publish. A sample size of one did not lend itself to grand pronouncements and when that sample size was the best friend he'd ever had… What he needed was a miracle, another Sentinel, someone whose identity would allow him to protect Jim.

As Jim watched Blair walk away he shivered as though the devil had just walked over his grave.

"You didn't answer him." Gabe, possibly the arch-angel Gabriel, whispered to the Sentinel. "What good does it do for a man to have ears that will hear a thousand miles if he cannot listen to the whispers of his own heart?"

"What?" but the homeless man no longer stood beside the Sentinel.

The question of whether or not Blair's notes should be destroyed didn't get answered that night. Nor was it answered in the following weeks, instead Cascade, the most dangerous city in America, decided to live up to her name leaving no time for Sentinel and Guide to deal with the issues raised by first chapter, let alone the ongoing research.

* * *

Blair, finally tired of Jim and his incessant complaints, decided that the PD was the place to get some work done whilst his building at Rainier was fumigated. Blair could have put up with the complaints if Jim had been willing to discuss the spotted jaguar, or even better, the whole dissertation, but Jim was touchy, territorial and ready to snarl at anyone and anything that moved in the loft.

"Hey, Brown, you know what's going on over there?" Pointing at where Megan was taking a statement from a very striking blonde.

"Yes. Connor was on her way in. Girl was sitting on a curb, car wrapped around a telephone pole. The girl was like yelling and screaming that the lights were killing her eyes and then she started bugging out about how the noise was getting to her. So I don't know what's going on." A shrug showed how interested H was in finding out anymore but the bells of St. Peter's were ringing in Blair's ears.

"Really?" If Jim had been anywhere in the building there the increase in Blair's heart rate would have had him come running, but Jim was at the loft so no one noticed the excited look that flashed over the observer's face.

"Yeah, well, it was crazy." With that Brown turned back to concentrate on the report he'd been working on; crazy chicks just weren't his bag.

Polite, as always, Blair commented, "Tell you what; I will take that over to Megan." as he took the folder and wandered over to Megan's desk.

Listening in, his heart rate sky rocketing, Blair saw the salvation of his PhD and his friendship with Jim; another Sentinel.

"An oncoming car flashes its lights so you can't see. That, I can buy. But why start to disrobe in the middle of the highway?" Megan didn't sound too impressed.

"I... my skin hurt. The clothes felt like sandpaper all of a sudden. I don't know." The blonde sounded confused, surprisingly like Jim had when Blair had first met the man.

"Megan... Here's that blood test you wanted." Blair handed over the folder before moving off to stand by the door; no way was he letting the blonde get past him. Moments later she appeared and Blair, full of confidence, stepped into her path.

"Excuse me, miss? Hi. My name's Blair Sandburg and I am a consultant to the police department. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about the light hurting your eyes and about your clothes making your skin ache."

Just like Jim, the blonde's reaction was less than favourable, "Read the report."

Having dealt with Jim in a temper the blonde's reaction didn't really faze Blair, "Do colours seem more vivid? Do smells seem more powerful?"

Talking fast, Blair managed to get the woman to agree to meet him at Rainier. A blindingly brilliant smile on his face Blair wandered back to Jim's desk; now, maybe he wouldn't lose his friend, or his research.

* * *

In darkness Blair contemplated loss; he'd lost his home, he'd lost the trust of the one man who had ever really meant anything to him, he'd lost any chance of safely writing the dissertation on Sentinels, he'd lost himself. Did he have anything left to lose? Maybe it was time to detach. He'd never be a professor but he could still teach somewhere, just somewhere else; somewhere where there was no Jim Ellison, no loft, nothing to remind him of what he'd lost.

Blair's thoughts drifted back to Gabe and miracles. What was it that Gabe had about miracles, "Do you know the hard part of a miracle? Making it look like an accident."

Alex had entered his life as the result of an accident, but was that accident truly a miracle… Blair knew the truth now, he might have been passed the way of the Shaman but he was not worth the price a miracle; the truth of that statement was evident as Alex Barnes entered his office.

"If it hadn't been for you, I never would have understood what I really am -- I owe you that." Alex was actually thanking him, when had his life become such a cosmic joke. "You want to know how I really got the sentinel senses? Solitary confinement in prison. I thought I was going crazy. It wasn't until I met you that I realized what I'd become."

"And look how you used this gift. What a waste."

"This is the one thing I really didn't want to do, but I can't leave you alive."

It seemed he had one thing left to lose; life itself.

* * *

If you liked let me know. JustJeanette 


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